I find when thinking up blog topics, I swing like a pendulum. The summer is definitely more diarised as I am out and about, keen to share the where and how. Meanwhile in the winter I am watching the chest infections and staying in the warm – this leads to more ‘bigger picture’ blog topics. You may have also noticed me making a lot of clarifications and caveats of late. I now trust you understand that I get all of the different perspectives, impairments, issues, human difference and political persuasions. I am now going to crack on with sharing my life and my experiences, as an everyday chap, who happens to cruise on 4 wheels. I always welcome counter comments, I am just not going to be all things to all people in every blog.
My life has been very work heavy the past months. Whilst I am loving growing my business, enthralled and scared of where next months rent will come from and more passionate than ever about the mission, I am wary too much work can make Mart a dull boy! A quick update though is I’m so proud of where http://disabilityhorizons.com/ is right now, it’s going to be a great 2012 for the mag readers. I am seeking corporate sponsors for my upcoming webinars and ecourses. I have a few very exciting partnership projects in the pipeline and am feeling deserved of a Christmas break soon. As always, a big shout out to my tech and general support from http://misfit-inc.com/.
To stop you or I getting bored of work talk, I wanted to share last weekend with you. It was the first time in ages I just switched off and did fun things for a few days. This post also follows on from the well talked about article on relationships yesterday by Ben Davies. Yes, I am referring to my new girlfriend coming down to London from Edinburgh to see me.
I have said that I am keen to keep this part of my life more private. However, in being a blogger on life and disability, this area is a big one to ignore. Ben’s article shows the complex issues of being disabled, having sex and relationships. So, I spoke to Claire and we discussed if and how I can share relevant aspects, but appropriately to us both. If I am single after this, then I guess I misunderstood where the line was 😉
I have written a couple of blogs already on relationships: One on my past relationships and one on my experience of an internet date. I learnt from the first one to be careful of what I write about other people, and the second one taught me the need to be open on these issues nonetheless.
So, onto the lovely Claire! I knew her at Coventry university as she did a voluntary care placement with my friend Rich, who incidentally is arriving for the weekend soon. She left unwell after 2 months and we lost contact until March this year. It turned out she had been struggling with ME ever since and been through a lot of horrible times. We started chatting again on Skype and texting each other. I suddenly realised we were getting on very well and managed to meet up with her on my trip to Edinburgh. We had our first kiss by Edinburgh castle and have been seeing each other since this 🙂
With the distance, we reverted back to Skype until last weekend. What a weekend! She arrived late Friday night after finishing her work as a Teaching Assistant and jumped on the train. On Saturday we took a trip to the Tate Modern museum on Londons Southbank. I love it down there! I pretended to understand the art and I know Claire loves a good picture, so I was content. We bumped into Toby, randomly, in the cafe and it was nice to introduce them both.
On Sunday Claire had expressed a desire to see a park. Living in Scotland she is spoilt with country air and scenic views. I too enjoy fresh air and nice views, but struggle with the cold. I decided to brave it, lap up some December moments and show her Hampstead Heath. I like it there because the shop area is cool, the heath is beautiful and there is a vantage point looking over the whole of London – very romantic. Problems did occur with my being weaker in a bulky coat, losing the ability of having hands with the cold and losing my balance over bumpy hills. Claire did have to assist on a few occasions. Oh how being disabled rocks in these moments. The mental imagery keeping me going was the chai latte at Starbucks. It felt like an age to get there. On arrival, unbelievably, it was inaccessible! Shock horror. After avoiding a meltdown, we grabbed a take away drink and headed to the car to whack the heating on. We all survived, lived and can now tell the tale.
Sunday evening we enjoyed a lovely Indian dinner in Stokey. We chatted for hours and planned what we will do next time we catch up.
It’s early on, but it feels great. We have had to overcome general relationship things and the additional disability ones. In chatting through them, all is sorted. A weird one is have my care PAs in the flat feeling like a sore thumb. Next time I have said they can start their shift a bit later as Claire is happy to help with hoisting me and so forth. See, every problem has a solution.
All I would say after Ben’s article is this. I know my limitations (which are far higher than people realise), but I also know my qualities. Of course, we all have insecurities, after 3 years of being single I was questioning the world. In staying positive, confident in who you are and enjoying life; your Claire will come along too. What is amazing about her is; firstly she is hot, secondly we get on (whether laughing at silly jokes or discussing deep and meaningful things), and she is cool with my needs. This didn’t come about simply or easily, but because I was very open and straight about them, and she is an amazing person.
Really, I am saying be yourself, be content and then when the right person wanders in your life be ready to enjoy the moments and them as a person. When the time is right you’ll work the practical, logistical and minor details out.
Matters of the heart are illogical but amazing things. Know they’re possible, don’t live for them and they will happen!